I read that the pervasiveness, easy availability and abundance of online porn is ruining sex for men. This upset me. I get the need and value of porn. It turns me on. It is a great substitute for the real thing, and a nice way to stimulate and/or enhance the real thing, but what I find disconcerting and disturbs me is the notion that porn is replacing and/or ruining the real thing. How could virtual sex or rather sex with oneself trump the real thing — isn’t part of the fun the intimate connection with another? Isn’t the messiness and vulnerability of it all more powerful?
As an arm chair social psychologist, I needed to know WHY IS PORN A SEX DISRUPTOR? Can we learn from it? Bring it into the real world? Disrupt it? And to be honest, I needed to know what are they doing that I’m not?
Let’s not preach “Safe Sex” but rather “Save Sex!”
So… what does it mean to “Fuck Like a Porn Star”? Obviously this question elicits stimulating cocktail conversation, but thought best to have my husband be my first case study. He admitted to watching porn like a normal guy — not addictively and since we have a pretty healthy active sex life with a near perfect yes to no hit ratio, not that often as a substitute… but I am out of town periodically.
I clinically asked him. He gave it thought and then responded: They are: “always eager,” check. “Talk dirty” gotcha, “moan a lot,” I moan… “Only during orgasm.” Oh, okay. Room for improvement there. “Swallow,” hmmm. Stopped that in my twenties… Maybe if I drank a lot first….
“They let the guy cum on their face.” What?
I had a vision of sticky translucent white goo in my hair, up my nose and In my eyes. Yuck. If fucking like a porn star means defilement, the ironic feminist in me tapped out… Damn. My midlife crisis fantasies thus far have been: Pole Dancing… Failure, can’t dance… Burlesque… Failure, can’t shimmy… and now Porn Star was a failure too.
Or perhaps not…. while many of us married folk fantasize about sex with someone other than our spouses or with a Porn Star after years with the same partner — variety is the spice of life, right?…. But we are now in the post kids chapter of our sex life — I no longer feel desexualized by motherhood — it’s kind of new, so perhaps this is my Porn Star moment as my husband has already forgotten about my research and still finds me very fuckable and now we have time for improvement, improvisation…. and an iPhone!
